Shelby Houlihan was once America’s brightest middle-distance hope. She is back on the track, and so is the ghost of her pork burrito. After serving a four-year doping ban for testing positive for Nandrolone, the 1500m and 5000m record holder has returned to competition. She is now trying to run away from what remains one of the most ridiculous doping defenses in sports history.
Yes, this is the same Shelby Houlihan who claimed a tainted burrito, specifically one allegedly made with uncastrated boar meat from a food truck, was to blame for her positive test. What followed was a surreal saga of science denial, half-baked excuses, and an online defense campaign that looked more like a Reddit conspiracy thread than a legal battle.
The Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) wasn’t buying it. In a scathing 44-page decision, they shredded the burrito defense. They mentioned it was “possible but improbable”—which is lawyer-speak for you’ve got to be kidding me.
They pointed out that uncastrated boar meat barely exists in the U.S. commercial food chain. Additionally, the food truck she supposedly got it from had zero connections to wild boar processing. Experts testified that the USDA’s system would have caught such contamination anyway.
Worse, Houlihan herself wasn’t even sure what she ate. She said she ordered beef, but figured it might have been pork because it was “more greasy than normal.” That vague recollection became the foundation for a failed appeal and a GoFundMe campaign begging for $300,000 to cover legal fees. It raised only $16,000 before disappearing quietly. She also claimed to be broke and working DoorDash while still training at elite altitude camps.
Her lawyer, Paul Green, only added to the comedy by claiming that nandrolone “would never help” a distance runner, which is absurd. Nandrolone does help with recovery and boosting red blood cell production, exactly what endurance athletes want.
Then her coach, Jerry Schumacher, doubled down on the nonsense by claiming he had “never heard of nandrolone.” One prominent coach responded bluntly to Schumacher’s statement: “If you’ve never heard of nandrolone, you’re pathetic and you’re a liar.”
This wasn’t just a sketchy legal case; it was a full-blown performance. Anonymous “studies” popped up online defending her. GitHub pages authored by clearly connected users argued for her innocence. Even the website LetsRun.com joined the circus, selling Burrito Track Club t-shirts and comparing her case to George Floyd’s.
To make matters worse, Houlihan was reportedly still training with banned teammates in what were described as “chance encounters”—a clear violation of anti-doping rules. One athlete even left the Bowerman Track Club over the whole mess.
Houlihan’s sudden meteoric rise, like slashing 36 seconds off her 5000m time during the pandemic, only fueled suspicions. And now, despite her years away, she’s back posting times nearly identical to her pre-ban bests.
So, what now? Houlihan claims she wants to move forward, but she’s still running in the shadow of a burrito. Her “clearshelby.com” campaign tried to paint her as a victim of the system, but the facts just don’t line up. The CAS, the Swiss Federal Court, and independent scientists all agree: her story doesn’t hold up.
The only thing weirder than the original excuse is that some people still believe it.