During a recent episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave, co-host Tom Segura revealed to Bert Kreischer that his name appears in the publicly searchable Jeffrey Epstein files on the Department of Justice website.
The topic arose when a conversation about finances in other countries prompted Segura to drop the news. “You’re on the Epstein files,” he told Kreischer. “You are a result. You know that, right?”
Kreischer pushed back immediately. “Shut up. Shut up.” Then: “I know I’m not on the Epstein list.”
But as Segura pressed further, Kreischer’s tone shifted: “That would make me lowkey so excited if I was in the files.”
Segura walked him through a live search on the DOJ website. A result appeared. “March 2020,” Segura noted, before hitting the PDF. The entry referenced Kreischer’s Comedy Central special, his Travel Channel series ‘Bert the Conqueror’, and the Congo trip.
Kreischer’s first instinct was to explain it away: “He was watching my Travel Channel shows.”
When Segura confirmed the source, saying “This is the Department of Justice website, dude,” Kreischer asked simply, “Am I really in the Epstein?”
“Yeah, you’re in the Epstein files,” Segura confirmed.
Rather than distancing himself, Kreischer leaned in hard. “You know that I would have clearly befriended Jeffrey Epstein if he reached out,” he said.
Tom agreed, saying: “If he had been like, ‘Do you want to get on my plane?’ You would be like ‘Yeah.'”
Kreischer then said, “Would you like to go to a private island? 100%. I would have been in every picture. I really, and I’m being serious, I would have.”
He compared himself to Chris Tucker: “That’s why when they look at the list and they’re like, ‘This person flew with Jeffrey Epstein.’ Like, Chris Tucker flew everywhere with Jeffrey Epstein. And he was like, ‘I don’t know, man. I just got on a private jet to Africa.’ And I’m like, I would have definitely been one of those people.”
Later in the episode, the two returned to the subject. Segura suggested Kreischer start posting about it, leading into a mock version of how Kreischer might address his audience one day: “Look guys, everybody has been talking. I’m finally going to tell you. Here’s what Epstein was like. You’ll see that I’m in the files.”
Kreischer’s final word on the matter: “I’m going to do some deep research in my Epstein affiliation. And if I need to, I’ll come clean.”
